I Don't Like Your Girlfriend
by jesuisl0ser
Summary: The bohemian friends discover that Mark has a girlfriend! Or...does he? All canon pairings mentioned, and a little of MarkMaureen. Completed.
1. New Girlfriend

**A/N: My dear friend Samantha helped me think of this idea. I hope no one has used this idea yet, because I am quite fond of it. -huggles fic- R&R please, and let me know if I should continue with this!

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He missed her. He was the first to admit it—only to himself, that is. His friends insisted he move on from her, but it seemed morally impossible to do so.

_Dammit, Maureen, you messed me up. Completely._

Of course, he saw her almost every day...He and everyone else were always hanging out for one reason or another. But it wasn't the same, because he hated seeing her with someone else. He remembered how they used to be and longed for those days to come back again. Joanne was his friend, but he couldn't help feeling just a little jealousy toward her.

He didn't want to admit to the fact that he wanted her back so much; that he couldn't move on without her. He wanted to be strong in front of his friends. He hated to be treated like a baby. She didn't love him anymore, and he only wished that he didn't even care. But oh, how he did. He wanted to just forget about it all, but, alas, he couldn't.

On the outside, he appeared to just be the semi-sarcastic, quiet guy everyone seemed to like.

But on the inside, Mark Cohen was broken. And no one could fix him.

* * *

"Mark, when are you gonna get a girlfriend?"

Almost choking on his burger that he'd ordered, Mark looked up to find Angel staring at him quizzically from across the table. Everyone had gathered, once again, to the Life Café for a lunch get-together. He blinked. "Um..."

"Angel, baby," Collins interjected, "Mark still hasn't moved on from...uh..." He shifted his eyes to Maureen who was babbling to Joanne in the corner. Mark stared at Collins resentfully.

Angel nodded. "Ooh, I get it." Mark cringed at the tone of sympathy in her voice.

Roger cackled loudly, taking a sip of his soda. "Mark's never gonna get another girlfriend." He dramatically held his hand over his heart. "The poor guy's _heartbroken_."

"Aww, Mark, I'm so sorry about that!" Mimi said, frowning. "You'll find someone!"

Collins nodded. "You need a girlfriend, man. You'll get one."

Mark felt like screaming. Pulling his hair out. Cursing at the top of his lungs. He couldn't believe how serious these people were taking the whole situation. He sure as hell wasn't asking for any sympathy.

He realized, out of the corner of his eye, Maureen was looking at him. _ She must think I'm loser...A weak, stupid loser---_

"I already have a girlfriend!" he blurted. As soon as he realized what he'd said, he began to panic. _Oh, shit, what did I just do? Oh, my God_..._Great...Just great..._

Roger spit out his Diet Coke, taking to a fit of coughing. Maureen and Joanne's eyes widened. Collins let out a low whistle, and Angel and Mimi both squealed simultaneously.

"You're _joking_!" Mimi cried.

Mark was tempted to answer something along the lines of, "Yeah, I was joking; let's just all forget about it. I'm a loser and I can't even get a girlfriend", but refrained from doing so. His ego was getting the best of him. "Nope. I have a girlfriend," he said proudly. _Oh, God, I need to stop this...Mark, what are you doing? Stop lying. Stop _lying

"You...got a girlfriend, Marky? What's her name?" Maureen inquired, calling Mark by his pet name.

What else was he supposed to say? He tried to act confident. "Yeah, she's cool. And her name is...um...Stephanie. Stephanie...Morris."

Angel clapped her hands excitedly. "Ooh, how adorable! What does she look like?"

"How come we've never seen her?" Roger asked. It was obvious he didn't believe a word Mark was saying. He was wearing his 'I'm-not-buying-it' look.

Collins raised an eyebrow. "How long you two been going out?" He apparently wasn't convinced either. Mark wasn't all that surprised, considering Collins and Roger were his best friends and could tell when he was lying about something.

"When will we meet this 'Stephanie'?" Joanne asked suspiciously.

Maureen was quiet. She munched on a french fry and simply looked around the room.

Mark shrugged nonchalantly. He was getting better at this. "Someday. We try to keep things private. I talk about you guys all the time, though." _What the hell, Cohen?_

"How'd ya meet her?" Roger snapped.

Slightly taken aback at Roger's attitude, Mark blinked before answering his question. He wracked his brain for an answer. "...I was filming in Tompkins Square Park and I saw her there. We talked a little while and then I asked her out to dinner."

Roger and Collins exchanged a glance, while Mimi and Angel were just plain giddy regarding this whole situation. Joanne had an amused smirk on her face. Soon the table was hustling and bustling once again with Mark answering all of his friend's questions and trying not to be specific in the process.

"I didn't approve of her," said a small voice among them. Everyone turned to look at Maureen, who hadn't said much at all within the past few minutes. That was something rare, as Maureen always had to throw her two cents into every conversation.

Noticing that everyone was looking at her, she smiled. "I didn't approve of this girl, Marky." She laughed and, taking it as a joke, everyone else laughed as well.

Yet, there were two people at the table who were laughing but screaming inside—take a wild guess at who they were.

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**Please let me know if I should write some more chapters!! R&R!**


	2. Reaction

**A/N: Yeah. I need more reviews. Kthnxbye.**

"_What the hell_, Cohen? Are you out of your freakin' mind?!" Roger Davis shrieked as soon as he and his friend had entered their loft. They had just left The Life Café.

Mark sighed and flopped down on the couch. "You know what? I think I am."

"Obviously. You just won the 'Dumbass of the Year' award in my book. You completely lied to your friends and told everyone that you've got a girlfriend. Nice job."

"Shut up, Rog, you're not making this any better," Mark muttered sadly, "I dunno what happened...it just...slipped out. I knew you'd figure out I was lying." Getting up and pacing around the room frantically, he continued, "Just don't tell Maureen! The whole reason this came about in the first place is 'cause I don't want to seem like I'm a lost soul without her."

Roger blinked. "Mark...you _are_ a lost soul without Maureen."

"Once again, shut up or I'll bash your face in."

"As if. You couldn't swat a fly."

Mark wanted to curl up and hit his head on the coffee table repeatedly. He felt like an idiot. Lying had been a stupid thing to do. Stephanie Morris, his imaginary girlfriend, was non-existent. But he'd bragged about her for a good fifteen minutes. He ran a hand through his blonde hair. "Roger, what am I supposed to do?"

Roger shrugged. "No idea. You got yourself into this mess. Get yourself out of it." He grabbed his guitar and headed into his bedroom and Mark heard him chuckle and mutter, "You are _so_ screwed."

"...Thanks a lot."

* * *

Angel Dumott Schunard was simply ecstatic. Thomas B. Collins, on the other hand, was not. Angel sat cross-legged on the couch, flipping through a magazine and babbling on and on.

"Collins, aren't you happy for Mark? I know I am."

Collins sighed. "Baby, I––"

"I bet she's nice. I'd like to meet her. You think I'd scare her?"

"Angel girl, I don't think Mark—–"

Angel interrupted him once again. "I wonder if she's pretty."

"_ANGEL_!"

Angel finally looked up at Collins. "What, honey?"

"I think Mark's lying to us," Collins finally finished, getting up to grab the only can of beer they had in the refrigerator. Angel scurried after him, clutching onto the magazine. Collins took the beer and whirled around to find Angel standing in front of him. He jumped.

"Damn!" He almost dropped the beer.

Angel giggled before asking, "You really think so?"

"Think what?"

Sigh. "That Mark is lying."

"Oh, yeah, _duh_. He was never a very good liar. You'd have to be stupid not to notice."

Angel raised her eyebrows. "Are you calling me stupid?"

Collins chuckled, placing the beer on the counter and wrapping his arms around Angel. "No. Maybe he was telling the truth and I was the stupid one, for all I know."

"Good answer," Angel teased, tapping Collins' nose lightly.

* * *

_Wow...he has a girlfriend._ Maureen couldn't believe it. Mark had moved on from her pretty quickly. She convinced herself that she wasn't jealous, of course, but she supposed it was kind of shocking.

But why shouldn't he have a girlfriend? asked the reasoning in her mind. You got one yourself only a month or two after the break-up.

Maureen was confused. She felt a hand on her shoulder, prompting her to jump and whirl around. Joanne was standing behind her, her eyebrow raised.

"You're thinking about it, huh?"

Maureen blinked. "About what?"

"I'm not stupid, Maureen. And I don't blame you. Mark has a girlfriend and it's scaring the hell out of you, right?"

The one thing about Joanne that simply amazed Maureen was her ability to always know what was on her girlfriend's mind. "_You_ scare the hell out of me," she joked, winking.

"Ha-ha. You're hilarious."

"Watch it, Miss Sarcasm," Maureen warned, tapping Joanne on the nose.

Joanne rolled her eyes. "I think you scratched my nose with your damn manicured nails."

"You're simply hilarious, too, Joanne." Maureen let out a sigh and looked into Joanne's eyes. "It's just kinda weird...seeing him with someone else, you know?"

Joanne nodded sympathetically. "Yeah, I know. I personally think it's kinda creepy. Scrawny pale-ass Mark got a girlfriend. She must be a saint to tolerate him."

Maureen literally laughed out loud at Joanne's attempt to make her feel better.

"But you got me, right?" She put an arm around Maureen's shoulders and kissed her cheek.

Maureen simply nodded. "Thanks, baby."


	3. When A Stranger Calls

**A/N: MORE REVIEWS! -dies-  
Happy Easter.**

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Mimi Marquez was not convinced.

And when Mimi Marquez was not convinced about something, it usually meant that the matter at hand was extremely—well—_unconvincing_. At first, she had been absolutely giddy when Mark had revealed his relationship to the rest of the group a few days ago. Alas, she was having second thoughts.

These second thoughts only prompted her to boldly walk up the steps to Roger and Mark's loft and slide open the unlocked door. Roger had left it open, as he expected her to come up to see him after her shift at work was over.

Determination was one characteristic that Mimi displayed with pride. She was going to find out about Mark's supposed "girlfriend" if it was the last thing she ever did.

* * *

Mark, meanwhile, was sitting cross-legged on his bed, tweaking with some film. Roger was standing in the doorway, staring at him. "You do realize Mimi's coming over in a minute or so, right?"

"Shit, Rog, she's gonna question me. You know she is." Mark adjusted his glasses and looked up from the film to give Roger a worried glance.

An amused smirk graced Roger's lips. "Yeah, I know, won't it be great?" he exclaimed.

"You're supposed to _help_ me!" Mark hissed, "Don't tell her anything! Cover for me! Do what you have to!"

"Okay, man, whatever..." Roger threw his hands up in the air defensively. "But I don't think it would be so bad if Mimi found out, right? She can keep a secret."

Mark shook his head. "Dear God, Roger, what have you learned during the past twenty-three years of your life? Girls can _never_ keep secrets! Ever!" He sighed. "If Mimi found out, she'd tell Maureen in some form or another, maybe even unintentionally. And I can't afford that."

"If you had just told everyone you were joking at the Life Café that day, then you wouldn't have to be hiding any of this—"

They both heard the sliding door open with a loud _creak_. The person who entered was none other than Mimi, who literally hop-skipped over to Roger and flung her arms around him, kissing him passionately.

Mark coughed awkwardly, prompting the two of them to break away from each other.

"Oh, hi, Mark!" she said perkily, "I thought Stephanie would be here. She busy today?"

Gulping, Mark replied, "Uh, yeah...she works at...um..."

"She works at one of those drug stores that are open for 24-hours," Roger finished for Mark, "_Trust Pharmaceuticals_ or something, right? Workin' the night shift, I guess."

Mark had never been so thankful for his best friend in his life. "Yeah, that's it."

"Oh, well why don't you call her, huh? I'm sure she'd wanna hear from you, right, Roger baby?" Mimi pushed.

Roger nodded. "Sure! I'd think so." He smiled wickedly. Okay, maybe Mark wasn't as thankful as he thought he was.

"Call Stephanie, man. Don't be nervous." He shoved the phone into Mark's hands.

_Oh, no...What am I supposed to do now?!_ He turned away from his friends and dialed the first number that came to mind.

Which happened to be Collins and Angel's.

* * *

Collins opened his eyes and let out a heavy sigh as the phone began to ring. Angel was snuggled up against him asleep, and he didn't want to wake her up by getting the phone. But, afraid it might be one of his friends with something important, he quietly slid away from her into the kitchen to grab the phone.

"_Huhwhat_?" he muttered into the phone, still only half awake.

"Yes, can I speak to Stephanie Morris please?"

Collins blinked a couple of times in confusion. "Huh?"

"Thank you." There was a long pause, and Collins realized that the voice on the other line was Mark's. _What is he up to now?_ Collins thought.

He was almost going to hang up when he heard Mark's voice again: "Hey, baby."

"Holy shit!" Collins cried, almost dropping the phone. "What the hell, Mark?!"

Mark said, "Yup, it's me. How you doing? I miss you."

"Okay, Ima hang up in a second unless you tell me what's going on." Collins was beginning to get aggravated.

"I...uh...know you have to go soon, but I just wanted to hear your voice."

Collins felt as if he was going to vomit. "Cohen, I swear, if you don't—"

"You'll be going home soon? That's good. You should get some rest."

"_Cohen_." Collins gritted his teeth.

Mark laughed nervously on the other line. "Yeah, I know. Maybe we'll hang out tomorrow."

"Do you know that I hate you with every fiber in my being, Mark?"

"I love you too."

"Oh, my God. That's it. I'm hanging up. You are one sick, insane, twisted soul." And with that, Collins hung up the phone with a slam and wandered back into the bedroom.

Angel was sitting up in bed, squinting. "Who was that on the phone, honey?" she asked.

"No one, baby," Collins mumbled, flopping down onto the bed and covering his face with a pillow. "Prank call."

"Bye," Mark said with a fake smile on his face. He hung up the phone and turned to face Roger and Mimi. Mimi was clapping her hands. "Aww, that was the cutest phone conversation ever!"

Roger said nothing. He just shook his head.

"Well, I'm gonna go take a shower." Both Mark and Roger could tell that Mimi was quite satisfied with the results of her interrogation. She headed toward the bathroom.

"So," Roger said when she was out of earshot, "Who'd you call? I heard a voice on the other line."

"...Collins."

Roger's eyes widened, and soon he was rolling on the couch in fits of laughter. "You professed your love to Collins! This is the best day of my _life_!"


	4. Jealousy

**A/N: Thank you for reviewing. Any suggestions or ideas for chapters would be much appreciated.

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"I bet she's a real slut."

Joanne looked up from her paperwork and stared across the table at her girlfriend quizzically. "...Who?"

"Mark's girlfriend. I bet she's a slut." Maureen was sitting cross-legged at the kitchen table, munching on some cereal, her eyebrows furrowed.

Joanne shook her head, smirking. "Okay, ever since he told us he's not single anymore, this is what you have been obsessing over. Do you wanna know what I think, honeybear?"

"What?"

"I think you're extremely jealous of Mark's girlfriend."

Maureen was slurping the remaining milk in her cereal bowl when she realized what Joanne had said. She put the bowl down, revealing a classic milk moustache on her upper lip. "_What_?! I am not jealous. I have _you_, pookie. Why should I be jealous?"

"Because he was your boyfriend for years, Maureen. I mean, I'm not mad at you or anything. I don't blame you for being...concerned." Joanne tried to hide her laughter at Maureen's milk moustache.

Maureen scooted her chair over next to Joanne and rested her head on her shoulder. "So you're not angry?" she inquired innocently.

"Nope."

"Fine, I'm jealous. Not of her, just of the fact that he...doesn't make googly eyes at me anymore. I was always amused by that."

Joanne smiled. "I think you still have a special spot in his heart, Maureen."

"Yeah, and it better be a big spot with my name imprinted on it in pink. Lots and lots of pink." She looked up at her girlfriend, prompting Joanne to burst into fits of laughter.

"What?" Maureen asked.

Joanne shook her head, handing Maureen a napkin. "I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself."

* * *

Mark was home alone. And he quite liked it that way. 

For one thing, Roger wasn't home to torment him about his phone conversation with Collins (or "Stephanie") for at least the tenth time that morning.

And for another, Mimi's presence had not been graced upon him that morning either. Which meant he didn't have to keep lying about his "girlfriend", or talk about his "girlfriend" or call his "girlfriend" for a while. Mark never liked lying. It wasn't his 'thing' as Maureen had always put it.

_Maureen._

He pushed the thought of her out of his mind and tried to focus on reading _The Village Voice_.

Just when he thought he could have some peace, he heard a voice calling out to him from outside: "Hey, throw down the key!"

It was Collins, no doubt. Mark sighed and got up from the couch, walking over to the fire escape and peering down below. Collins was tapping his foot impatiently and waiting for Mark to throw down the key. As Mark did so, Collins characteristically flipped him the bird before heading toward the door.

Mark closed his eyes and shook his head. He would be getting an earful from Collins, that was for sure.

The sliding door opened and Collins stomped into the loft, throwing the keys at Mark. "I think I deserve an explanation, Mark," was the first thing he said.

"Hello to you too, Collins," Mark grumbled, "And I know, I'll explain everything. Stop freaking out; you're starting to sound like my mom."

Collins rolled his eyes and took it upon himself to flop down on the couch.

Mark sighed and sat down beside him. "Okay, so first of all, I don't have a girlfriend."

"No _shit_, man." Collins pulled out a joint from his pocket and stuck it in his mouth for good measure.

"Oh, God...Is it that obvious?" Mark adjusted his glasses nervously.

"You called me in the middle of the night saying how much you love and miss me. I think it was very, _very_ obvious."

Mark crossed his arms in front of his chest defensively. "Well, not to Mimi. She believed I was talking to Stephanie. It worked out just fine on my end." He looked at his friend, who was not amused at all. "So I guess I owe you, huh?" he added.

"Hell, yeah. It was damn lucky that Angel was asleep when you decided to cast me as the Juliet to your Romeo, you jackass. That was pretty much the most traumatic experience of my entire life."

He began to imitate what Mark had sounded like in a high-pitched, squeaky voice: "You should get some_ reeeesssst_! Oh, _Steph-uh-nie_, I loooove youuuu!"

Mark pushed Collins off the couch. "Shut up!"

At this point, Collins was sitting on the ground where Mark had pushed him, laughing hysterically. "Man...I dunno how long you're...gonna be able to...pull this off," he managed through his chuckles, "Maureen is going to find out."

"You're not making things any better."

Collins looked up at Mark. "Neither are you, _lover boy_."


	5. Trouble and Surprises

**A/N: Reviews? Thanks. Enjoy this chapter.

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Mark had been sitting in his room contemplating for hours. In fact, he had been thinking so hard that his head was beginning to ache. He was trying to figure out what he should do at this point. Roger had been right about the fact that Maureen was bound to find out about his secret sooner or later. He was making a fool of himself and he knew it. But he just couldn't bring himself to tell his old girlfriend the truth about his imaginary one.

The phone began to ring and Mark left it for Roger to pick up, which of course, he knew he wouldn't do. As he had predicted, the answering machine came on. Mark padded into the living room/kitchen to listen to the message. Roger was already standing in front of the answering machine. They both listened intently to the content of the message:

_SPEAK!_

A beep. "Hey everyone, it's Joanne. Maureen wanted me to—"

Roger picked up the telephone before Joanne could continue. "Hey, it's Rog, what's up?"

Mark let out a sigh and flopped down on the couch as the phone conversation continued. He looked at Roger as a huge, satisfied smirk spread across his face.

_Oh, shit_, Mark thought. Roger only wore that huge, satisfied smirk when something was going particularly wrong for someone other than himself (that was worth being made fun of, that is). For some reason, Mark's troubles amused his roommate. Mark simply found it disturbing.

"Yeah...We'll _definitely_ be there. Okay, see you tonight. Yeah." Roger hung up the phone and started laughing quietly, shaking his head and running a hand through his blonde hair.

Mark blinked. "What?! What did Joanne say?"

"You are so _screwed_, Mark. You have no idea," Roger said, still smiling that hateful grin.

"Maybe I _would_ have an idea if you told me what the hell she said on the phone, Rog," retorted Mark bitterly.

Roger sat down on the couch beside Mark and put an arm around him. "Maureen and Joanne invited the rest of us to the Life Café for dinner to celebrate Joanne winning a big case."

"So?" Mark asked.

Roger started laughing again, his arm still around Mark. "When I said 'the rest of us,' I also meant Miss Imaginary Stephanie Morris. Joanne even told me on the phone that they want to meet her."

"You're kidding me," Mark cried, adjusting his glasses nervously. "What am I gonna do?"

"All you gotta do is call her up and invite her, Mark," Roger cracked, winking. "Ooh, whoops, I forgot..._She doesn't exist_!"

Mark glared at Roger. "I hate you so much."

"The feeling's mutual. Now, you better consult with the brain inside that albino skull of yours to see what the hell you're gonna do about this." Roger grabbed a soda from the fridge, picked up his guitar, and walked into his room, leaving Mark to sulk and wonder what he should do.

* * *

"Angel, are you ready yet?" Collins screeched from the other side of the closed bathroom door.

"Hold on a second, baby, I'm almost done!" Angel called back.

Collins let out a sigh and glanced down at his wristwatch. They were already ten minutes late. They were supposed to have been at the Life Café around 7:30, and it was already exactly 7:41.

"Girl, if we don't leave soon we won't even make it there for dessert. Hurry up!"

Finally the door opened, and Angel was donned in a sparkling black skirt and a pale pink sweater. The makeup she was wearing made her look even more radiant than usual. Collins stared at her for the longest time until she broke him out of his trance:

"You know, we could stand here while you gawk at me instead of go to the Life Café, but that would be kinda silly, wouldn't it?" She tilted her head to the side and smiled at him warmly.

Collins held out his arm. "Shall we?"

Angel giggled and took his arm, kissing him on the cheek lightly. "Yeah. Before Maureen pulls a hissy fit because we're not there."

* * *

Maureen was about to scream. Besides herself and Joanne, only Mimi and Roger had shown up at the appropriate time. Angel and Collins had just entered the restaurant, fashionably late of course. But where in the world was Mark? She wanted to meet this Stephanie face-to-face.

_She doesn't know Mark as well as I do. I have to make sure she knows he gets scared easily and prefers onion dip over ranch. Not to mention he's a cute little spazzo. Maybe she figured that out already. But I bet she doesn't know how to appreciate his spazzing. _

"...Maureen? _Maureen_!" The voice of her girlfriend interrupted her thoughts.

"Huh?" she asked blankly.

"Don't worry, honeybear. They'll be here," Joanne said knowingly. Maureen still resented how Joanne was such a know-it-all.

But she was indeed right. For when Maureen looked up at the door again, she spotted him. _Aha! I see Mark's big blonde head, and those huge blue eyes that dart back and forth like a damn rabbit's. _Maureen laughed inwardly. She jokingly used to call him things like "Mr. Twitch" or "Deer-in-Headlights", because when Mark was very nervous, it definitely showed.

Maureen glared straight at Mark again and gasped quietly at who she was seeing standing next to him.

_Oh...my...God.

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**ZOMG!CLIFFY!! LMAO! Review to find out what happens next**.


	6. Enter Stephanie Morris

**A/N: YAY! CHAPTER SIX! Thanks for all of the reviews. The cliffhanger made you guys crazy, huh? LOL! R&R please.  
****DISCLAIMER: I own nothing except the person who...well...you'll see.

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Mark Cohen gulped, glancing at the woman standing beside him. She was too pretty for him and he knew it, but he supposed she would have to do in this last-minute situation. Taking her hand, he led her to the table at which his friends were sitting.

He could sense the utter awkwardness in the air as he pulled a chair out for her to sit in before sitting down himself. "Guys," he said, "This is Stephanie." The woman waved and smiled brightly. Her teeth were flawlessly straight.

Mark looked at everyone at his table. Collins and Roger's mouths were open in shock. Maureen was staring down at her Diet Coke. Joanne was blinking rapidly and darting her eyes back and forth, something she did when she was in utter shock or surprise. Angel and Mimi were, of course, smiling like fools.

There was total silence for at least two minutes before Angel finally spoke up. "Hi! I'm Angel!" She leaned over and shook Stephanie's hand. "Nice to meet you. Mark talks a lot about you."

"Does he?" Stephanie asked, smiling and resting her head on Mark's shoulder. Mark felt like he was going to vomit from nervousness as he stiffly wrapped an arm around Stephanie. She sat up and tossed her light brown hair. Mimi and Angel began picking up conversation with Stephanie, who seemed open to answering every single one of their questions. Roger and Collins were talking quietly amongst themselves.

_I hate her_, Maureen thought, grinding her teeth angrily. _I hate her with a fiery, burning passion. Who does she think she is? I bet she bosses Mark around. I bet she treats him like crap. I might have to kill her before this evening is over. _Her arms were crossed tightly over her chest, and she felt Joanne put a hand on her leg reassuringly.

"So you and Mark met while he was filming, huh?" Mimi inquired.

Stephanie nodded. "Yeah. We're both interested in that kind of thing. Although I'm not as talented in film making as Mark is," she replied.

Mark shrugged. "I'm not that good..."

"Oh, please, yes you are!" Stephanie argued. "Isn't he great at what he does? Someday he'll end up directing something on the big screen!"

Roger was giving Mark the evil eye. "Oh, yeah. I definitely agree," he said, raising an eyebrow in Mark's direction. Mark tried to ignore it.

"So," Collins began in his I'm-so-not-convinced tone, "How long have you guys been together as of now?"

Stephanie glanced at Mark. "How long, babe?"

Mark quickly did the math in his head. "About three and a half weeks," he said.

"How cute!" squealed Angel, "You guys make an adorable couple."

Mark sighed in relief inwardly. Things weren't going as badly as he thought they would be. Everyone seemed to like Stephanie. Or so he thought.

* * *

After dinner was over, Mark pulled his date aside when everyone was leaving.

"Hey, Michelle, thanks a lot for doing this for me."

Stephanie—now Michelle, replied, "Haven't seen you since we were, what, sixteen years old in Chemistry class? You look different."

Mark smirked. "So do you. A lot different."

Michelle laughed. "I was the nerdy one with the glasses and the braces, if you recall. Just goes to show you what a few years of braces can do. And I wear contacts now."

Smiling, Mark stuck out his hand. "I owe you a lot. Hell, if I hadn't ran into you today I would be really screwed."

Michelle shrugged. "It was really fun. A lot of practice for my rising acting career!" She chuckled again and so did Mark. "But, Mark...I'll be honest with you."

"Go ahead."

"I really don't know what you're trying to prove by doing this. Why can't you just tell your friends and Maureen the truth?"

Mark looked down at the ground. "I'll be honest with you too, Michelle," he said quietly, running a hand through his hair, "I have no freakin' idea."

* * *

Mark got home to find Roger already sitting on the couch, his arms folded.

"Hey, Rog," he said, hanging up his jacket and scarf. Roger did not reply. Rather, he stood up and walked over to the refrigerator, rummaging through it until he found the container of milk he needed.

Mark followed him. "You okay?"

"I just think you're pathetic, Mark. But that's about it." Roger pushed past his best friend to pour the milk into a glass he'd set out on the table.

"Come on, Rog, I did what I had to—"

Roger let out a dry laugh. "What you _had _to do? Why did you _have_ to get some random woman you don't know to pose as your non-existent girlfriend?! Why was it necessary to pull the wool over everyone's eyes?! Are you _that_ desperate, Mark? Because it's pathetic. It really is."

Mark blinked. "Roger, I knew Michelle from high school and I ran into her today, so I figured that maybe..." He trailed off and let out a sigh. "I know I'm a screw up, okay? But I don't know how to fix this!"

"Then figure it out, Cohen, because after this, I'm sure as hell not gonna help you out. Did you see the look on Maureen's face? She looked like she was gonna cry." He glared at Mark, refusing to avert his cold stare from him. "She loves Joanne and you damn well know it. But this whole thing made her feel like shit; don't you _get_ that? Nice job." Roger took his glass of milk and headed into his room, slamming the door behind him.

Just as he left, the telephone rang. Mark let out a groan and went to pick it up.

"Hello?"

"Mark, you're an idiot."

Mark closed his eyes. "Collins, if this is all you called to tell me, then I suggest you hang up before I personally come over there and bash your face in."

Silence on the other line. "I was just trying to help, man. And for the record, I didn't plan on telling Angel about it because I figured you still wouldn't want her to know."

"I suggest you still keep your mouth shut," Mark retorted.

"You know what, Mark?" Collins' voice was rising and Mark was getting nervous. "I think you need to learn to accept things for what they are. You're screwing up. Fix it. Now, before you start threatening me again for whatever reason, I'm going to hang up. Sorry I interrupted you feeling sorry for yourself."_ Click._

Mark cursed under his breath as he hung up the phone and flopped down on the couch, burying his face into a pillow, wondering if maybe he'd unintentionally suffocate and maybe get away from everything.

Maybe he was better off that way.

* * *

**Too unrealistic? LET ME KNOW AND REVIEW!**


	7. Truth Be Told

**A/N: Glad everyone enjoyed Chapter 6! A couple more chapters after this. Please review.

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**

"_What_ am I supposed to do?!" Maureen Johnson screeched into the telephone.

She could almost hear Angel cringe on the other line. "Honey, tone it down a bit, okay? Collins is taking a nap and if you start screaming, I'll start screaming."

Maureen sighed. "Fine," she muttered, "Sorry. Anyway, any suggestions? Or reasons as to why I'm such an idiot?"

"Maureen, you're not—"

"Don't try to turn this into a positive situation, Miss Oh-Happy-Day. You've got a hot boyfriend and you wear cute clothes. Yes, your life is good. Mine isn't right now."

There was silence on the other line for a moment. "I never knew you thought Collins was hot. Considering he's been one of your best friends, and that he's gay."

"Uh..." Maureen trailed off. "Whatever. That's not the point."

"Sweetheart, you have a wonderful girlfriend who provides lots of love, affection, and money."

Maureen laughed dryly. "You think I don't know that? I love Joanne. I am _not_ supposed to be jealous of Stephanie, but I am. This is my problem! What is_ wrong _with me?"

Angel sighed on the other line. "Mark's your ex. Of course you'd feel a little weird seeing him with someone else."

"Angel," Maureen said irritably, "Get this through that thick skull of yours. It's not weirdness. It's _jealousy_!"

Rolling her eyes, Angel replied, "If you're so jealous, tell Joanne about it."

"She already knows how I feel. But she understands. It's a _different_ kind of jealousy, Angel. I'm not envious of the fact that I can't be with him. He just...treats me differently now. He treats everyone differently. I miss the old Mark Cohen."

"Yeah. Yeah, sweetie, I do, too."

* * *

Mark asked his roommate the same question for the umpteenth time: "Should I tell her?"

"I'm neutral, remember?" Roger replied, skimming through the pages of _The Village Voice_, "I'm not helping you anymore."

Burying his face in his hands, Mark muttered, "You're such a baby."

"Think about it, Mark. Who's the baby in this situation? Me, the guy who tried to help his best friend but feels that no matter what, his friend is gonna screw everything up by doing something stupid? Or, you, the one who has a fake girlfriend and is too afraid to tell his jealous ex-girlfriend and the rest of his friends about it?"

Mark knew that Roger was right. "Yeah...okay. You win. What I did the other day...was stupid." He sighed, and then continued, "I mean, Michelle is busy...with auditions and everything. And I took her out of her busy life and threw her into this mess. Then I snapped at Collins and he's probably pissed at me..."

"What do I keep telling you, Mark?" Roger stood up and grabbed his guitar. "You mess up? Fix it. Do something about it. And don't keep cryin' to me."

"Fine. But, Rog?"

"What?"

"Just don't tell Mimi yet."

Turning to face his friend solemnly, Roger said, "Already did." With that final statement, Roger walked out of the loft, closing the sliding door behind him.

It was then that Mark knew what he had to do.

* * *

"...So that's how I ended up in this mess. Stephanie never existed. And I'm sorry for lying. I didn't realize how much it would affect everyone, you know? I'm just...really sick of feeling like the weak one all the time."

Angel sat on the couch, wide-eyed, listening to Mark's little speech. Collins was, once again, smoking a joint, spread out on the couch as his head rested on Angel's lap. He had a slight know-it-all smirk on his face.

Mark gulped. "I can understand if you're pissed at me. I know Collins _was_. Now he's just amused because of how nervous I am right now. He thinks _the look on my face is funny_." He uttered every word with resentment as he glared at Collins.

Collins chuckled, looking up at Angel from his comfortable spot. "Hah. Damn straight."

"Wow," Angel said. "Mark, honey..."

"Yeah?" Mark asked, biting his lower lip.

Angel glanced down at Collins, fidgeting with a stray thread on his knit cap. "How can I put this?"

Mark was beginning to get nervous. "You can...y'know. Make fun of me. You have a right to."

"I'll try to put it nicely, honey. You are...very..._brainless_."

Collins burst out laughing. "Baby, that was so pricelessly on-target."

"Why, thank you, Tom. I thought of being a comedian when I was in the 'Weird-Job-Ambition' stage of my life."

It was the first time Mark had cracked a smile—a real one—in a long time.

Smirking, she spoke again, this time to Mark. "But don't worry, honey. Everyone makes mistakes. But I will say that lying was a really dumb idea. And if I were you, I'd talk to Maureen. I was just talking to her on the phone and she's beside herself."

Mark looked up. "Why?!" he asked apprehensively.

"She misses you, Mark. And so do the rest of us."

"But..." Mark muttered, "I see her all the time. And I see_ you_ guys all the time."

Angel nodded. "I know. But we miss the _old_ you, Mark. The one who was honest. The one who lived on the theory of 'no day but today'. And finally, the one who would never even _think_ of lying to his friends about something like a having a girlfriend, just because he was afraid of what people would think of him."

Mark realized how truly right Angel was. He stood up, heading toward the door. "Thank you, Angel. Thanks a lot."

"No problem, honey. You gonna talk to Maureen?"

Mark sighed shakily, wrapping his scarf around his neck. "I'll try..." Making an extreme effort in trying not to think about what he would say, Mark began to walk quickly and almost tripped over his own feet. He paused as small chuckles could be heard in the room.

"...Collins, dammit, stop laughing!"

Collins sat up. "Hey, man, don't look at me. It was Angel this time."


	8. Moving On: FINAL CHAPTER

**A/N: Final chapter! Thanks for reviews. I own nothing.

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**

"Go ahead. Do it." Mimi Marquez handed the phone to her extremely nervous friend Mark, who was hesitant about taking it from her.

Roger, who was sitting beside Mimi on the couch, rolled his eyes. "Call her, for God's sake. Eventually I'm gonna lose interest and I'll walk away to go do something useful with myself. And I already agreed to help you. So I guess it would be mean to leave, now, wouldn't it?"

Mark snorted. "As if you've ever cared about being mean."

"True, true," Roger replied, smirking.

With a sigh, Mark snatched the phone from Mimi and dialed Maureen's phone number.

There were a couple of rings before someone picked up. "Hello?" Maureen's loud voice echoed through the loft.

Mimi giggled, burying her face into Roger's shirt. This would prove to be quite the phone conversation.

"Yeah, uh, hey...it's Mark," Mark said awkwardly, adjusting his glasses in apprehension.

All three of them heard a loud squeal on the other line. "_Hi, Marky_! I haven't talked to you lately? What's up?"

Roger cringed. "Somebody's too enthusiastic," he muttered.

Mark motioned for his friend to be quiet before quickly replying, "Oh, nothing much...I was wondering if I could talk to you at some point today...You know, maybe meet somewhere? Alone?"

"What are you implying, Marky?" Maureen joked.

Mark cleared his throat. "I'm serious. Can I...talk to you? Maybe around 2:00 at the Life Café? Is that okay?"

"Um...okay, sure..." Maureen said in reply, sounding a little less happy than before.

Mark hung up the phone and turned to face Mimi standing in front of him, her arms crossed.

"You better have at least an idea of what you're going to say to her. She's the only one who doesn't know about your little fun and games. I have a feeling Joanne figured it out by now," she said matter-of-factly.

Mark knew she was right. Glancing at both of his friends warily, he headed into his room, waiting for the moment of truth to come around.

* * *

He was clutching on to his cup of coffee when she walked in, her dark curly hair flowing behind her. He waved to her and she noticed, running over and sitting down across from him.

"Hi, Mark!" she said, smiling brightly. It made Mark shiver. "What did you want to talk to me about? Girl troubles? Something going on with Stephanie?"

Mark looked into Maureen's eyes. "That's the thing. Stephanie...isn't..." He ran a hand through his hair. "Stephanie isn't real."

Blinking rapidly, Maureen replied, "Wait...What?!"

"I——"

"No, wait a second. What the_ hell_, Mark? We all saw her with our own eyes. Is this some kind of joke?"

It hurt Mark to see Maureen like this, but he knew what he needed to say. He explained everything to her, from the beginning to the end. Maureen sat, taken back at his words.

They were both silent for a couple of minutes after that.

"Mark..." she finally said, "What were you _thinking_?! Why would you think you had to prove yourself to any of us—especially me? Our relationship...just didn't work out. You don't have to prove to me that you're fine without me by getting a fake girlfriend. That's probably the dumbest thing you've ever done."

Mark closed his eyes. "I know, Maureen. I'm so sorry. I just...sometimes wish that we were still together," he told her, "And, don't get me wrong...Joanne is a great person. I'm glad to see you happy...but...sometimes I can't help but wonder what it would be like if I still...had you."

"You always have me, Marky," Maureen whispered softly, tilting her head to the side and smiling, "And you always have your friends. Isn't that all you really need? Someday you'll find the girl of your dreams. I know you will." With that, she leaned over and gave Mark a quick kiss on the cheek.

Mark blushed, and it was clearly visible on his pale skin. "You're not...angry at me?"

Shaking her head, Maureen replied, "Just a little...confused. But you need to promise me you won't do something like that again. Okay? I'm glad you were able to talk to me. That's all you have to do, you know. Talk to me. Not get some random lady and call her your girlfriend to see if I'd get jealous."

"I know, I know, it was stupid. You think Roger hasn't told me that already?"

Maureen giggled. "I can imagine. So, are we okay?"

"Only if you are, Maureen."

After a pause, she nodded. "Yeah, Mark. We're definitely okay."

* * *

A couple of weeks later, the group of bohemians were gathered at the loft once again. With the incident behind them, they were acting like a group of friends again—not like little cliques keeping secrets from each other.

Until just then, Mark hadn't realized how much he'd truly moved on from his relationship with Maureen, even when he hadn't realized it. At first, he would hide away from anything that would help him accept the fact that he needed to forget the past. Now, he knew that whatever was destined to happen for him was happening now, in this moment, and that he couldn't do anything to stop it even if he tried.

"Quick, Mark! Call her before you chicken out again!" Angel squealed, snapping Mark out of his contemplation. She was bouncing up and down happily from her spot on Collins' lap.

"Ang, save the pieces, will ya? I think my legs are about to break," he muttered, wrapping his arms around Angel's waist from behind to settle her down.

Smiling at all of his friends' enthusiasm, Mark picked up the phone.

Roger sighed. "Do you know her number, you idiot?"

"As a matter of fact, I do, Roger. Thank you for your supportive words," Mark said dryly. Everyone laughed lightly as Mark dialed a certain woman's number.

_This is it_, he thought. _No turning back_. He glanced at Maureen. There was a look in her eyes that sparkled as if to say, "Go for it."

With those thoughts in mind, he punched in the phone number.

"Hey, uh, Michelle? Yeah, it's Mark! How are you?" He shared a nervous glance with his hopeful friends. Mimi was almost beside herself, having to cover her mouth to keep from screaming. Joanne had one of her well-known amused smirks on her face.

"I'm great, thanks," he continued, "Hey, um, I was wondering if you would want to...go out...on a date with me?" He squeezed his eyes shut, afraid of what her answer would be.

After a pause to let Michelle speak, he laughed and said, "Oh, uh, no, Michelle. A _real_ date."

Roger snickered, and Maureen punched him in the shoulder lightly to keep him quiet.

"I was thinking maybe tomorrow night at 8:00...at that little Italian restaurant across from the Life Cafe...Really?! Um, great! Okay...Okay, see you then...Bye..." Mark hung up the phone to hear a round of applause from his friends.

"Marky has a date!" Mimi cried, running over to hug her friend.

Mark smiled sheepishly as everyone congratulated him. He was finally moving on, and no matter what changes life would bring him, he knew he'd have his friends to stand by him through it all.

**-FIN-**


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